


I think we need to talk

by Chronicles_of_Scout



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Betrayal, Character Study, F/F, Forgiveness, Friendship, I Tried, Some Fluff, half of a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:21:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21526438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chronicles_of_Scout/pseuds/Chronicles_of_Scout
Summary: After Kara tells Lena her super secret identity, Alex does her due diligence and somehow becomes a mediator, loses her girlfriend, and gets sweet sweet revenge in less than two months.#winningDay 2 Kalex- Meta tag
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers
Comments: 20
Kudos: 195
Collections: Kalex Appreciation Week 2019





	I think we need to talk

**Author's Note:**

> This ... could be canon if people would just listen to me.
> 
> I wrote this specifically for Kalex week as a headcanon of how Lena could play matchmaker. Then Tremors happened and well... I had to rewrite it and let me just say, so happy I did. Even though it's late, this is way better than what I had before. Way more complicated too and 5k longer.
> 
> Also, not sure if this even fits the tag but I'm throwing my hands up and saying it does. We're gonna wing it.

“I think we need to talk.”Alex starts, ignoring the way Lena jumps and clutches her hand to her chest.She had, after all, expected the reaction.It’s not every day you come back to your secret genius lab with impenetrable security and find a federal agent lurking in the shadows.Only, Lena wasn’t really the one who had been doing the finding.“About Kara.”

“Alex.”Lena admonishes, closing her eyes briefly while she catches her breath.And probably comes up with a cover story.Again, no judgement.“You scared the crap out of me!”

“Pretty sure the feeling is mutual right now.”

Pushing off the wall, Alex walks over to Lena’s long worktable and presses her hand to the surface.Nothing happens for several seconds and then Lena’s AI bubbles to life.

“Ms. Luthor, she is accessing your mainframe.”

Lena’s eyes widen, her legs taking her around the table to Alex’s side.Alex steps back before she can reach her, wiggling her gloved fingers at Lena.

“A gift from Brainy.”Alex says, “it wasn’t personal; I just needed to make sure Kara would be safe with you.”

“Safe—what are you _talking_ about!?”

“Kara told you that she was Supergirl.”

“And that suddenly gives you the right to go through my things?To invade my privacy like a—”

“Yes,” Alex asserts easily.“It does.”She pulls a small tablet from the pocket of her tactical pants, handing the device over to Lena.“It’s actually been my job since we were kids.You can imagine how scary that must have been.To hold someone’s life in your hands when you’ve barely even learned that no, using tampons will not take away your virginity.”

“What is this?”Lena asks impatiently, swiping over the screen and quickly reading through the contents.

Alex ignores her.“I’m the one who told her not to tell you by the way.Well, and James and J’onn too.And Superman.To be fair, we didn’t really know you at the time.I mean, you and I only started getting close during the whole Reign thing and that was only what?A year ago?You can hardly have expected me to _want_ to give you access to one of the most important people in my life.”

Lena scowls.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

“No; but as an attempt at that,” Alex continues, “I worked with J’onn for almost five years and I _never_ told him Kara’s identity.I didn’t even know that he knew who she was until she revealed herself on that plane.I tend to keep my people close.”

“Why are you telling me this?”Lena asks, and Alex can see that she is genuinely confused.She keeps looking between Alex and the nondescript data like she’s not quite sure how everything fits.“Look Alex—I appreciate that you’re overprotective.I always knew that about you but… you still lied to me.You _all_ lied to me.And I’m willing to look passed that because—”

“Don’t lie to me Lena.”

Posture stiffening, Lena tilts her chin haughtily and narrows her eyes.“Excuse me?”

“You’re not willing to forgive.You never were.Keep swiping.”

Lena scowls, but listens.“There’s nothing on here.”She complains.“This is all just schematics for the Obsidian lenses and— …Alex.What is this?”

“Kara is the most important person in the world to me.”Alex admits, slowly leaning forward and taking the tablet from Lena’s shaking hands.“And I convinced her that telling you was a good idea.I put aside my own reservations, I dropped my guard; told myself that I was being a jerk and that no matter how badly I wanted to, I couldn’t keep her to myself.I told myself I could trust you.”

“Alex,” Lena tries, warily holding out her hands.“It was just a simulation.”

“A simulation that predates last week.One that predates Kara telling you who she is.”

“Alex—”

“It also predates,” Alex cuts in, “you asking Kara to steal Lex’s journals for you.”At Lena’s shocked look, Alex nods.“Yeah, she told me about that.Obviously.”

“I just needed—”

“This isn’t a game of trust.I trust you with a lot of things Lena.I trust you to always try to do the right thing.I even trust you to always have our backs in a crisis; you’ve proven that time and again.I trust you.”

Lena breathes a sigh of relief, her body loosening marginally, hip leaning against the bench next to her.“So then you understand?This was just venting; I just need to let some of my… anger go.”

“Lex told you that Kara was Supergirl.”Alex continues, as if Lena hadn’t spoken at all.“And that was a really shitty way to find out, so I get it.The venting.But then you created this plan that would essentially mess with all of our heads.Prevent us from hurting you or anyone else ever again.”

It’s a wonder Lena’s muscles haven’t locked up.With all the relaxing and tensing she’s doing.Like right now, when her body is stiff as a board.

“This is for the betterment of humanity—all species!Imagine a world with no fighting; no _pain_!”

“Sounds boring.”Alex comments, “and considering how the last time I let someone mess around in my head, it almost got Kara killed I’m not really eager to play that game again.”

Lena glares at her, jaw clenching.Her eyes have lightened as they often do when she’s extremely angry.Alex doesn’t care, so long as Lena understands what she’s saying here.

“You’re not even listening to me.”Lena snarks, lip curling while she looks down her nose at Alex.Rich people sure did have a superiority complex.“I shouldn’t be surprised though.You don’t care about anyone or anything that isn’t Kara Danvers.”

Alex shrugs, “Even if that were true, I don’t really see how that’s a problem.Seeing as how her best friend enjoys imagining punching her into a fiery explosion, I think she could use more people in her corner.”

It had been disturbing to say the least, when Brainy had shown her the sims that Lena had created.In truth, Alex had just been being paranoid when she had requested that Brainy look into Lena.Pure DEO business; protecting their main asset.

Watching Lena’s sim punch Kara in the face… it had made Alex more than a little angry.And, when she had seen the number of times Lena had run the simulation… Alex was a little concerned that the CEO didn’t have a life outside of her revenge plot.

“Of course you don’t see how that’s a problem, but I trusted you Alex!When you asked for my help I was there!You asked me to save Supergirl and I did; you asked me to clear the air of Kryptonite and I did; you asked me to help you take down my _family and I did!_ ”

“That’s what friends do Lena—”

“But you weren’t my friend!”Lena interrupts, “you _pretended_ to be my friend, but you lied.I trusted you and you all _lied_ to me and not one of you—not _one_ of you truly regret your actions.”

“I don’t.”Alex says, pursing her lips and shrugging.“What I did kept Kara safe; it kept _my_ family safe.You can whine all you want about not being included but the fact of the matter is, we didn’t know you. When Kara wanted to tell you who she was at first, we had no idea what your intentions were.”

“My intentions because I’m a Luthor.It’s funny how Nia _Nal_ gets to know within a few weeks and Lena _Luthor_ doesn’t get told for _years._ ”Lena says in disgust, shaking her head and walking over to the cabinet lined wall.She withdraws a glass tumbler and whiskey decanter, glaring at Alex briefly before pulling down a second.“Maybe that made sense in the beginning, but the thing is you all assured me that my name meant nothing to you.”

Accepting the drink when Lena places it, rather loudly, in front of her, Alex allows herself a small sip.She’s not nearly as riled up as Lena seems to be but then again, she hadn’t had her privacy invaded.A necessity.One that Alex doesn’t really regret.Their friends tend to forget that Alex is a secret government operative; her whole schtick is counterintelligence and aliens.While it’s nice that they see her as just Alex Danvers, it’s also not her fault that she needs to keep tabs on all of them.The whole reason she’d joined up with the DEO was to protect Kara and, while her loyalties may have expanded, her core focus had remained.

Lena had been welcomed into the Super friends and with that came specific assessments.As open as Kara was with herself and her heart, Alex had her priorities.The last thing they needed was another Rhea trying to fool them into believing they were an ally.

The past year, Alex had made enough mistakes when it came to Kara.First with the Reign fight and then with the Kryptonite atmosphere.Looking into Lena had been more for her own sanity than anything else.

Unfortunately, her search had born weight and now they had to deal with the fallout.

“You know,” Alex comments, bracing her forearms on the lab bench and swirling her glass of amber liquor—Jameson by the taste but definitely fancy.“As your friend I would like to say that, for the record, the only person who still cares that you’re a Luthor is you.Literally no one else brings it up.”

“Maybe not.” Lena scowls, “but none of you ever let me forget it.Like right now, you ordering Brainy to run a background check—”

“It’s not personal.”Alex repeats.“Winn got the same treatment.So did Nia when I got my memories back.The only one who didn’t was James and that’s because Superman told him and… it was a bit of a contentious point.”Alex squints her eyes, “and also for the record, Nia Nal never aided and abetted in an apocalyptic event; created technology that could identify aliens; reproduced both Kryptonite and Hyrenell after her friends asked her not to; or tried to play God and give people superpowers.”

“I was trying to help!”

“I know.I respect you for it and I’ve forgiven you for endangering Kara; I can see what your intentions were.Just like I can see what they are now.You’re trying not to get hurt.”

Lena’s eyes narrow, her cup laden hand paused halfway to her mouth as she stared at Alex incredulously.“You’re crazy, you do realize that right?”

“I’ve been told.I don’t really care.Not if it means keeping—”

“Kara safe.”Lena snipes, tipping her glass back and swallowing half the contents in one gulp.“We know.We get it.”Shaking her head, Lena looks back up, her eyes slightly lighter now.Good, it hadn’t been Alex’s intention to piss her off.“When are you going to stop hiding behind your DEO credentials and your family backstory?”

The question is so off base that Alex startles, nearly fumbling her glass.“Excuse me?”

“Kara’s an alien Alex.”

“Yeah so?”

“She’s not your sister.And every time you refer to her as your sister, it worries me.”

Alex bristles, “Kara _is_ my sister.My parents—”

“Took her in.And then what?That magically made her your sister?”

“No!We… there were growing pains.We had to learn how to love each other.”

“Love each other enough to hold hands?And cuddle?And almost live together?”

“I don’t see your point Lena.Siblings do all of that.”

“I didn’t.”Lena says coolly, taking a much smaller sip from her glass and looking a bit more confident than she had before.“Not with Lex.And I don’t see James doing it with Kelly.Heck not even those trolls the Graves were as close as you and Kara are.Not that there’s anything wrong with it.Just making an observation.”

“To what end?”

It’s Lena’s turn to lean forward, and the way her eyes have lightened is now semi-unnerving. 

“So that you know that you’re not the only one who knows secrets.”Lena pauses, jaw tensing in thought.“I wonder if you know how much Kara loves _you._ ”

The words are like a sucker punch.And there’s no way that Lena could know, not when Alex has been careful.So very careful.But if she did know… dangling that unachievable carrot was callous.

“So what is this then?”Alex asks, fighting the urge to pummel the CEO.“I hurt you, you hurt me?”

“On the contrary Director Danvers, I’m just returning the favor.If I can’t trust my friends, then none of you should be able to trust yours.I’ve told Kara’s secret; I wonder what I should tell her about you.” 

~*~

“Gah.” Kara exclaims as soon as she comes in through the window, her hands already trying to pry off the red boots of her costume.“Remind me to never respond to Rodarian calls; those things _smell._ ”

Holding out a hand before Kara can join her on the couch, Alex quickly points to the remote on the coffee table.

“I can’t reach.”

Kara rolls her eyes.“You know for a Director of a top secret government agency, you sure are lazy.”

“For the world’s greatest Superhero, you sure do give a lot of lip service.”

“You think I’m the world’s greatest superhero?”Kara asks, beaming as she passes Alex the remote.

“Well maybe second greatest.I’m obviously the better dresser.”

Kara snorts and resumes disrobing.“All you wear is black.”

The rambling starts and Alex tunes her out, slowly focusing on the television.She’s already got an episode of The Office queued up by the time Kara comes back from her bedroom dressed in pajamas.

“Did you take a speed shower?”Alex complains, “because I’m pretty sure that’s not healthy.”

“I wanted cuddles.I had a long day.”

Alex holds her arms out from where she’s sprawled on the couch, waiting patiently for Kara to collapse on top of her and chuckling when she does.It’s damn near criminal, how perfectly they fit together.Kara’s head nestled on Alex’s chest while Alex wraps one arm around her shoulder and buries the opposite hand in her hair.

The cuddling isn’t new, but now that Alex had gone to see Lena, she worries about the connotations.She’s been worrying; ever since she’d gotten her memories back and realized that the not so little crush she’d had on Supergirl had actually evolved into a pretty fucking huge crush on Kara Danvers.

Kelly had helped and Alex did genuinely like her.If there was anyone who she could get over Kara for, it would be Kelly.It had just been a little hard for her to focus on the other woman, when her mind was so full of the alien she’d known half her life.

The easy touching, normally so natural between her and Kara, had had to be faked. Mostly because they were so used to physical affection that Alex now worried that she would out herself.That Kara would somehow sense the want behind her gestures now.

It's all so fucked and Alex had _just_ started settling back into herself when Lena had burst that bubble.Now she’s extremely anxious once again.

“I feel zero sympathy for you after you sided with Brainy the other day.”

“Hey,” Kara complains, pressing her nose under Alex’s chin.“That’s not fair; you had just come from a sewer.Did you want me to lie?”

Smothering a smile, Alex can only sink further into the couch, hold Kara that much closer.“Yes.For future reference I never want to know that I stink.You should only ever shower me in compliments.”

Kara peeks up at her from one eye with a smirk on her face and a mischievous glow on her face.How anyone could ever want to hurt this woman is beyond Alex, but they won’t succeed.Not while she’s here.

“You’re very high maintenance Director; are you sure you and Brainy don’t have anything in common?”

The high pitched yelp Kara releases when Alex pokes her in the ribs is completely fabricated and does not count at all towards what Alex had just been thinking.She hadn’t _hurt_ Kara she had just… given her some tough love.

And she can’t exactly help the tickling battle that ensues, not when Kara had started to look a bit too vindictive for her liking.

As always, Alex wins. Although she has no illusions that Kara hadn’t _let_ her win.Ever since they were kids, Kara had liked Alex to be the stronger one.At least in certain respects.

“Beg for clemency.”Alex orders, her breathing ragged as she hovers over Kara’s prone body.The ‘S’ on the t-shirt is jumping up and down with Kara’s breathless giggles, the blonde still wriggling halfheartedly.Because of course Kara has a Supergirl t-shirt.Makes complete sense.

“I want clementine’s!”

Alex tickles her some more.

But there’s a moment, a split second in this completely normal and routine tease filed play, where she looks at Kara differently.But not really differently at all.Kara’s on her back, her hands up in front of her in a flimsy defense, knees curling towards her belly.Her neck is elongated, tendons popping in laughter as she throws her head back against the pillows, blonde contrasting sharply with the red and green fabric.Alex can’t even say that she looks particularly attractive; her mouth is wide open, lower lip covering her bottom teeth, while her upper lip stretches high over her gums.And her nose is crinkled, and her eyes are squeezed so tightly they look painful.

She’s not enticing, not here, but for some reason, seeing her like this makes Alex’s blood thrum.And, maybe it is what Lena had said but Alex has seen Kara in way better positions.It’s not that she _wants_ her per se, so much as it is that her heart has literally stopped on the realization that Kara is the most important person in her life.

Her crush on Supergirl had been obvious; Alex was a stickler for the rules and offering to commit treason just so she could spend time with the alien, as if solving cases and getting shot at was a date, had made it pretty clear.

Her crush on Kara had been incredibly weird; Alex was a stickler for a routine.She liked things to work the way they always had, a trait she’d no doubt inherited from her mother.Seeing the girl who she had called ‘sister’ in this new light, a light where Kara Danvers wasn’t a Danvers by blood, but circumstance was baffling. When Jeremiah had given Kara the glasses, Eliza had shoved an imaginary pair on Alex just the same.Kara’s glasses helped her to see the world as a human, but she would always be an alien.Alex’s metaphorical glasses helped her see the world as a sister, but once they were removed all she saw was love.

And she does want Kara, in a way that maybe she shouldn’t.Definitely shouldn’t.

The shame she’d felt upon realizing had been crippling.

But then she’d had Kelly.

Who’d made things less complicated.

And Alex liked her.

She just can’t imagine never loving Kara.

~*~

“You ratted me out to _Andrea_ _Rojas_?!”

Looking up from the microscope, Alex sighs and pats the new head of Bioengineering on the shoulder.“I like what you’ve accomplished here Tenzin.Write up the final presentation and we’ll start on production.”

Her much taller replacement nods, a grin on his face as he fiddles with his tie.“Yes, Director.I promise this new tech will increase agent invulnerabilities to poison by—”

“Excuse me.”Lena hisses clearly fed up with being ignored.Another rich person trait: impatience.“I need to speak to your boss.Now.”

“I…”

“It’s ok Tenzin,” Alex nods, settling her hands on her hips.“Go.”

With one last hesitant look, the scientist grabs his samples and takes off.Alex watches him go.

“You know,” she starts, “I don’t remember scaring off your employees when I visited you.I remember being all stealth.Polite.Unobtrusive.”

“Unobtrusive?You call getting Andrea to shut down my research _unobtrusive_?”

“You were using that tech to fake beat up Kara—who you claim I’m in love with.Also, the whole mind control thing makes me itchy.I mean maybe if you were like Ellen DeGeneres or Oprah, then ok because they have their shit together but being mind controlled by you would be super boring.You’d probably have me eating lunch alone and doing crossword puzzles.”

Jaw dropping, Lena’s face pinches with incredulity.“You play Sudoku!”

“Because it’s fun!Crosswords are evil!”

“And I wouldn’t be mind controlling _anyone!_ That’s something Lex would do and I’m not him.”

“Then what are you doing Lena,” Alex asks, carefully picking up the microscope and taking it over to the cabinet.She can’t very well order everyone else to keep a clean work environment and then not follow suit.“Because mind control—”

“It’s not mind control!Your conspiracy theories are boring!”Lena snarks, her heels clicking on the linoleum until she’s standing next to Alex again.All fire and brimstone wrapped in cold cold ice.There was this thing Lena did that always annoyed Alex.When she was particularly angry, she tended to jut her chin out and talk with that.It did weird things to the proportions of her face and it honestly weirded Alex out.“I wouldn’t be controlling anyone; I would simply be altering the part of our brain that says that it’s ok to hurt people.”

“Hmmm.What about the people you can’t alter?”The samples that the doctor had left behind are discarded in the biological waste bin, Alex grabbing sanitizing cloths to wipe down the counter.“There’s always going to be abnormalities.Kryptonians, for example, are notorious for not being susceptible to mind control.”

“I… there are obviously some kinks that need to be worked out,” Lena tries, brow pinching together, “but I have help.I can make this work.”

“You know one of the perks of dating a psych major?You learn a lot of things about the way people think.”

“Is this you offering to help?”Lena asks cautiously, rolling her eyes when Alex snorts and gives her _a look_.“Then what Alex?What benevolent knowledge will you impart upon me today?”

“Trauma can make you treat people like dirt.”

There’s a moment of tense silence, and Alex watches, amused, as the gears in Lena’s brain twist around her words. It takes a few seconds but eventually Lena breaks out of her stupor, narrowing her eyes at Alex and glaring her straight into hell.“You have got to be joking!You’re going to delve into my mommy issues now?”

“Your Luthor ones.They’re quite considerable.”

“Great!”Lena fumes, marching away in anger.“While you’re going through the family albums, let’s not forget that you’re hiding behind your own trauma.There’s a reason you’re unhappy Alex, and you’ll have to confront that sooner or later.”Pausing at the door, Lena sends one last seething glare at her counterpart.“And just so we’re clear: _this_ is not over.”

“Supergirl brought donuts earlier.”Alex chirps, happily wrapping up her impromptu cleaning session but when she looks up Lena has already gone, and she’s left speaking to an empty room.“If you’re interested.”

~*~

“You know who’s really annoying?”Alex questions Kara as soon as she’s pushed her way into the loft.“Your new boyfriend.”

Kara rolls her eyes but takes the proffered bag of takeout, peeking her nose in and taking a whiff.“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

Smiling giddily at the scent of pot stickers, Kara squeals and quickly dashes over to the couch.Which leaves Alex to grab some drinks from the fridge.

“Oh yeah? Tall, dark, and asshole isn’t your boyfriend? Because he totally fits your type.”

Surprisingly, Kara doesn’t take the bait, smiling a little secretively and giving a breathless chuckle.

“He does, doesn’t he?But no.I’ve learned my lesson.No more projects.”

Alex takes a seat next to her, setting her beer and Kara’s grapefruit soda on the coffee table.“Projects?”

“Yeah,” Kara says, digging into the bag and taking out the containers.She keeps the pot stickers to herself.Obviously.“Men who are all sad and helpless and need to be shown how not to be jerks.It’s not my job to teach people how to be kind.”

“Well… I am so proud right now.I’m like a proud mama.”

Kara hands Alex a container of rice, digging into her own containers with gusto as she gives an affectionate head shake.

“What can I say?New year, new me.”

“Oh yeah?You know the new year was like 8 months ago right?”

Kara shrugs, “what does that matter?Change is continuous.”

“Ok.”Alex says from around a mouthful of rice, pointing her chopsticks threateningly at Kara.“Who are you and what have you done to my sister?”

“I’m just realizing that I don’t need to be a hero in _every_ aspect of my life.I mean, now that Lena knows who I am and she’s being so great about it… I didn’t realize how much my fear of her perception of me was affecting the way I lived.And not just her but anyone I care about.Winn was _so_ accepting and it kind of spoiled me but then… there were some not so great experiences and I think I put up a shield. If I dated people who were more messed up than I was, then what would they have to complain about you know?”

Alex swallows.“That’s terrible.”

“Astute as always,” Kara laughs.“I’m not saying that I have a low sense of self but I just… tend to go for attainable things.And guys like William, they’re… temporary highlights at best.”

Alex, hums, unsure what to say to that.On one hand, what Kara had said was true but on the other, her reasons for comprehending her dating failures are largely _untrue_.Lena was _not_ taking the reveal well and Kara should _not_ be using her friend as a basis for her new normal.Especially if Lena goes off the deep end and does something crazy.

But she hasn’t yet and so Alex feels itchy outing her.At the moment Lena is just pulling the extremely wealthy version of sulking and brooding.Ratting her out for that seems… small.

She’ll keep an eye on it but if Lena doesn’t make a move, Alex will keep it to herself.There’s no point in hurting Kara because of a theory.

“Anyway,” Kara proclaims, saving Alex from a bout of awkwardness.“How was your date-aversary?Did you make her swoon?”

“I got her a helmet to match.”Alex preens, reaching for her beer and taking a pull.“So we can go riding together.Sharing is caring.”

“You _ginormous_ nerd.How romantic!”

“I know right?”Alex shakes her head and digs into her the container of Thai chicken wings.“I’m so pissed that I didn’t recognize women were so much cooler than men when it comes to dating.Like, even my bad experiences are better than my good experiences with guys.”

“Well duh.Although some women _are_ not so nice.”Kara pops the last pot sticker in her mouth, humming in contentment before grabbing her soda.“I mean there was this one girl in college who just _stared_ at me all the time.Even after I told her it made me uncomfortable.”

“What?Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You were a bit preoccupied at that time.Besides, I kind of felt like I led her on.I mean, our date was nice, but it was so boring and then when we kissed at the end—”

Alex spits her food across the living room, clapping a hand over her mouth and coughing as she tries to contain her outburst.

It’s just…

What?

What the what?

Had Kara—

Her shock must show on her face because Kara is rolling her eyes and handing her a stack of napkins.“I know.You always told me I shouldn’t kiss on the first date, but I was just really looking for a reason to see this girl again.She was really nice and she kind of reminded me of you so I thought she must be really cool but… she was just boring.And she kissed with a _lot_ tongue.Like a lot.It was gross.…Sorry, that’s a terrible thing to say.”

Some sort of alternate reality is playing before her.That is the only explanation Alex can come up with.There is so much to unpack in that statement, but she can’t quite focus on words.

Her brain feels like it’s gone on a lunch break and left that guy who needs to read the instruction manual before doing anything in charge.

“I… you… um, you’ve kissed girls?”

“Well, obviously.”Kara says, looking at Alex like _she’s_ the weird one.“I told you Krypton didn’t believe in any of the gender or relationship norms that humans have.We liked who we liked.The birthing matrix freed us of having to fulfill any societal obligations and so we just chose our partners based on pleasure.”

“You said you would have had to marry for status.”Alex accuses.

“Well yes, but that would have been my husband or wife not my partner.I guess that would be polyamorous here although not everyone participated even on Krypton.To be fair, I don’t think I could share my chosen partner with anyone else.”

“So…” Alex starts, trying to wrap her brain around the last few minutes.“You’re… pansexual and you don’t believe in polyamory.Just you know, to be clear.”

“Yes.” Kara confirms, clearly amused.“In the simplest Earth terms.”

Simple.

Somehow this doesn’t feel very simple.

Everything Kara had just said had led credence to Lena’s “love” theory and now Alex has no idea what to do with herself.

Simple her ass.

~*~

Alex is livid.

A psychic attack.At the DEO.The blocking of all RFID technology.

That son of a—

“You crossed a line.”Alex growls, marching into Lena’s office and pointing a threatening finger at her.“Someone could have been killed!”

Lena looks unbothered, going through her paperwork as if Alex had never even interrupted.“Andrea could have had me killed.You didn’t seem to mind.”

“Oh please!As if you didn’t know that Kara listens for you or that I’ve put a tracker in that stupidly obnoxious jewelry you wear.”

“You’ve been _tracking_ me?!”Attention no longer on her contracts, Lena stands up, planting her hands on the desk in front of her.“Are you seriously insane?”

“You were friends with us _and_ you’re a Luthor.”Alex says, waving a dismissive hand as she paces back and forth.“I figured you were bound to get yourself killed without some backup.”

“Do you people have _any_ sense of boundaries?”

“Do _you_?The DEO isn’t a place for childish spats Lena!”

“Neither is my life!Stay out of it!”

“No!”Alex snipes, spinning and slashing a hand through the air.“I’ve already gotten used to you and I have a problem with change.”

Lena’s eyes flash, her face softening from anger to satisfaction in seconds.Whatever Alex had just said had made Lena very pleased.

“Is that why you haven’t told Kara about your feelings?Why you’d rather hide like a child than face rejection?”

Something squirms in Alex’s stomach, an acid weight that leaves her throat dry.“That’s a low blow.Even if I had those feelings, using them against me is low even for you.I get that you’re upset but maybe retain just a slight edge of decency Lena.And get the hell over it!”

Tonight, she’d watched J’onn be attacked.Had herself been attacked by her friend when Lena had somehow taken over his mind.Her agents had been left defenseless and if that break in had gone any differently, lives could have been lost.Alex has a lot to be angry about but somehow… she finds she’s mostly angry that Lena keeps throwing her feelings in her face.If Lena truly knew the depth of Alex’s feelings, knew how impossible her situation was, she should show a little mercy.Have a fucking clue that Alex was barely hanging on to her sanity with how badly she loved Kara and how badly it hurt to know that they would never be anything more.

But she hadn’t.Time after time she picked at the wound and it was getting harder and harder for Alex to keep it together.She couldn’t focus on missions; she couldn’t focus when she was with Kelly; she couldn’t even focus at the DEO.And when she was with Kara… it was all she could do not to give away the game.Now that Lena at least _thought_ she was part of the game, she could at least try to play along.

Because Alex knew that despite Lena’s rather hateful reassurances, if Kara found out… 

It was game over.

“You talk with a lot of machismo when it isn’t _your_ future on the line but as soon as I pull that thread…”

“It’s not a thread.It doesn’t exist!”

“Then tell me right here and now,” Lena challenges with a sweeping gesture.“Tell me you don’t love Kara and I’ll drop it.”

“No,” Alex says, “you won’t.”

Lena smiles, that same challenging glint in her eyes as she crosses her arms across her chest confidently.“Oh how the tables have turned Director.You focus on Kara to the exclusion of all else, even your own happiness.What does it matter if you have feelings for her so long as she’s happy right?”

“You,” Alex grits out, “are being an asshole.”

“Or maybe it’s because of what happened with Maggie that first time.When she sent you away crying?Too much “trauma” there for you to face the world again?You wish it would change?”

“That is not the same.”

“Oh but trust me Alex.”Lena mocks, “I “get” it.”

Clearly they wouldn’t be getting anywhere today.“Keep the hell away from the DEO.As of now, you no longer have special privileges.”

Pivoting, Alex makes her way to the door, her heart thumping so quickly she’s afraid it will break through her chest.It’s loud enough that she almost misses Lena’s closing remarks, the vitriol in her words dripping onto Alex’s already bruised ego and making her want to vomit.

“Until the next time you need my help.”

And Alex could have walked away, could have kept minding her business but Lena’s acting like an asshole and Alex doesn’t appreciate it.Especially not when Lena’s involving Kara in all of this.

“You’re right Lena, we did ask for your help.And we helped you too, but the thing is, while you’re over there keeping score, we never did.It was never about that because you’re Kara’s friend and that makes you family.”She shrugs and opens the door, “do with that what you will but just know that if you continue on like this, it will be _you_ destroying this bond, not us.”

~*~

“So why haven’t I ever seen you date a girl?”Alex asks, eyes still glued to her computer monitor.

Kara’s sitting next to her in Alex’s private office, the two of them scanning through old DEO case files that had yet to be turned digital for any trace of the group Leviathan.

“That’s what you want to talk about?”Kara asks, glancing up from the manila folder in her hands.“Now?”

“I need a distraction, or my brain will explode.”

Sighing, Kara carefully closes her folder and picks up another, careful to keep her eyes on the files and not on Alex.“I don’t know I just… girls scare me.”

“What?!You practically threw me into the proverbial lion’s den when I came out.You were all like “it’s not that big a deal Alex; be brave Alex; you’ve got this Alex”.” Alex mocks, shaking her head in mock disappointment.“I feel so betrayed.”

“One.” Kara says, holding up a finger.“I don’t sound like that.Two: you were being a chicken.And _three_ : Alex!You are so clearly much cooler than I am.I am awkward, you are a badass.”

“ _What_?”

“I ramble and I eat my feelings and I accidentally make alien references.People don’t find that cute, they find that weird. _You_ find that cute.But what women do find attractive is leather, and bikes, and confidence, and kindness and you have all of that in _spades._ You’re a catch.”

Ok… that’s the second sign that maybe Lena’s beliefs weren’t completely unfounded.

Its on the tip of her tongue to just _ask_ Kara if she has feelings for her but… Alex is with Kelly.Alex is _happy_ with Kelly and… she feels terrible for even thinking what she’s thinking.

If she asks Kara if what Lena had said was true and Kara says yes… Kelly would be yesterday’s news.It’s cruel and unfair and Alex is a horrendous person.She’s not equipped to deal with that level of emotional fallout so she… doesn’t.

She swallows the question and moves on.

“What are you reading?”She asks, grabbing a new file and flipping through it in a vain attempt to look busy.

Kara’s well used to her avoidance tactics by now and so simply tells her of a weird occurrence involving Napoleon Bonaparte.Apparently, the warlord had been abducted by aliens in the late 1700’s and had… enjoyed their company.Alex isn’t judging.

Not when her own forbidden love interest is sitting maybe two feet away from her.

Eventually though, as always, Kara gets bored and, rather than continue her search alone, pulls Alex over to the rather cushy couch in the corner.There she lays herself across Alex’s lap, her head resting against Alex’s chest.For her part, Alex wraps an arm around her shoulders, letting her cheek drop on Kara’s head as she continues to read the files she’d collected.

She could have let them continue like that but no matter how much she tries to focus on cute baby Yodas popping up throughout history, she can’t let this drop.

Not completely.

“For the record,” she mumbles, feeling like her face is on fire and obstinately refusing to look at anything but the cute alien on paper.“If I had to say who was the bigger “catch” it would be you.Weird girls are hot.”

Kara laughs and leans back to peck Alex’s chin, completely easing the tension that had invaded Alex’s person.

She’s grateful because now she can sink further into Kara, hold her that much closer.

No way was she gonna let her own panic interfere with cuddles.

~*~

Alex sits with her back to the wall of her apartment, eyes blurry and unfocused as she stares at her door from across the room.

Today she’d been blown up by absolutely no fault of her own and somehow that had led to her being dumped.Kelly had said it was because she hadn’t text; that Alex hadn’t let her know that she was ok.That she’d had to hear about it from Nia.It’s petty, but Alex feels some sizeable anger towards the younger woman.By all accounts, if Nia had just kept her mouth shut than Alex would still have a relationship.

Unfortunately, as much as she wants to, she knows she can’t blame Nia.

Alex could have text Kelly.Or rather, had someone else text her.Her eyes had been less than useful after her face had met concrete.But rather than letting her _girlfriend_ know she was ok, Alex had been too busy bribing her employees so that they wouldn’t call _Kara._

The blonde _always_ overreacted when Alex went into the field without backup—i.e. her and wound up hurt because of it.

Brainy, while a suitable partner, did not meet the Kara Danvers guidelines of backup.Kara was backup and everyone else was unnecessary.Kryptonians had a pretty high sense of self.

And, while Alex may love that about Kara, there were still things she loved about Kelly.

Kelly was kind, and she was bubbly, and she wore her heart on her sleeve, and she wanted to help people.Not just in the more traditional role as a superhero, but as an everyday worker.Healing the minds of millions, literally.And now Alex has lost her.Just like she’d lost Maggie.

Maggie didn’t want kids and Alex did.

Kelly didn’t want someone with a dangerous job, and Alex can’t imagine herself doing anything else.She’d tried to leave the DEO and J’onn had promoted her.And it was the best thing that had ever happened to her besides Kara landing on their doorstep.

Her relationship with Kelly didn’t even come close.

What did that say about her?

That she’d choose her job over her girlfriend?

Sniffling, Alex swiped a hand under her nose and doesn’t fight the hopeful thump in her chest when she sees her front door’s handle turn.

A few hours ago, Alex had left the DEO in her civvies, she’s got on chucks, jeans and a sweater.Comfortable but hardly worthy of begging your girlfriend not to leave you.To give you one more chance.

Coincidentally, Kelly _had_ stopped by but only for a short while and only to get her things.Alex had pled her case, pulling at the sleeves of her sweatshirt and outright pleading with Kelly to see reason.

She hadn’t.

Kelly had told Alex that she cared for her a great deal but not enough to risk her mental health for her.It had been a rather spectacular case of “it’s not you, it’s me”, followed up by a “lets try to be friends”.Highlights.

Afterwards, Alex had just kind of sunken to the floor and not moved.

But now the knobs turning.The knobs turning and maybe Kelly had had a change of heart.Maybe Alex had imagined it all.Maybe—

She’s almost rolled to her knees, intent on explaining to Kelly that it had all been a misunderstanding.That Alex would do better and that she’d help her get over her trauma or whatever.

But it’s only Lena.

Rolling her eyes, Alex scrubs her cheeks with the corner of her sleeve.“What; come to gloat?”

It’s immature and Alex doesn’t even really think that of Lena, but she can’t help the bitterness that creeps up her throat.Lena had been all about Alex and Kara that maybe she had spoken Kelly out of existence.

Her fault.

Re: immature.

Lena hesitates in the doorway, fiddling with what look like a watch before completely entering Alex’s apartment and closing the door behind her.

“I’m going to do something to you and, if you really want to prove that you’re my friend you’ll let me.”The distance to where Alex is, is fairly small but Lena still manages to make it look like the hardest journey of her life.The closer she gets the more Alex can make out her face.The tear tracks on her cheeks explains the rough quality on her voice.Whatever this visit was about, it wasn’t a good one.Lena holds up a glass bottle, sliding down the wall until she’s sitting next to Alex.“Scotch?”

“No glasses?”Alex complains, “You trust your precious bottle to touch my traitorous lips?”

“I told Kara the truth.”Lena says.“And now I really need to drink.Are you my friend or not?”

Alex takes the bottle and tips back a mouthful.It’s a warm sensation, no burn, just smooth heat.Clearly Lena had taste.

There’s a part of her that wants to go check on Kara, make sure she’s alright.But Kara hasn’t called her, and her nerves and emotions are rubbed too raw to really handle that particular batch of feelings.

“You said you trusted me.”Lena mumbles picking at the bottle’s label morosely after taking her own swig.“Is that still true?”

“Yes.”

It is.Alex knows who Lena is.She’d be a fool not to after all of this time. Plus, she hadn’t been lying when she’d said Kelly had helped her in that arena.When they’d been planning on telling Lena, Alex had gone to her girl—ex-girlfriend for some insight.Kelly had unloaded a full child abuse survivor thesis on her in about an hour.

Lena’s goal, her main goal, was to protect her heart.

Alex got that.

She understood.

Which is why it’s not a complete surprise when Lena turns to her with vividly glowing green eyes.Not that she approves.Whatever Lena is doing hurts like hell, but Alex can’t move.Can’t even open her mouth to shout.

And then it’s over and Lena’s panting, little hiccupping cries escaping her as she brings her hands up to her mouth.

“I didn’t know.Oh god.Oh god.”

So.Mind reading.

Alex had thought it was a bit too convenient that Lena had been so willing to capture Malefic when she’d already shown she’d wanted revenge.And then when J’onn had said he sensed his brother…

“You have Malefic at your lab, don’t you?”Alex picks up the discarded bottle and takes another pull.“God, I’m pretty ashamed I didn’t see that one.”

“Alex…”Lena warbles, dropping her head into her hands.“You don’t understand what it was like.”

“Maybe not but I still considered you family.”

“I know.I know that now.”

Alex grunts and drinks another mouthful.She stares at the label for a second, wondering how she feels that Lena’s seen her thoughts.Malefic was a weaker Martian when it came to telepathy but that didn’t mean his abilities were completely diminished.And Lena was still inexperienced.No way had she mastered mind reading in a matter of weeks.

Which meant that all told, Alex should be relatively safe.

Besides there was very little on the surface of her that Lena didn’t already know or hadn’t figured out.

Wordlessly, she passes the bottle to Lena, refocusing on her door.

For some reason, now that Lena’s here, she’s less inclined to believe that Kelly is going to come back. Truthfully, now that Lena’s arrived and popped Alex’s bubble of self-pity, Alex didn’t really want her to.Having to worry that her job was going to put a strain on her relationship would be annoying and, as much as she liked Kelly and even saw herself being able to love her one day, she didn’t feel like she had with Maggie.

With Maggie, it had been devastation, Alex had been sure she’d been making a mistake.

She’s sad over Kelly but she’s not destitute.

With some more liquor and a crap ton of chocolate, she’ll be back in the dating game in no time.But God, she’d really liked her.

“Kara told me a year ago that she had feelings for you.”The words, hoarse as they are, are still completely understandable.Somehow Alex still thinks she’s heard Lena wrong.“It was right after she’d had that fight with Mon-El about… well I’m not sure what but she said that you’d all been affected by My’rynn… She said she’d realized that she wasn’t angry about him leaving so much as she was that she’d missed the chance to date you because she’d been distracted by him.I’m pretty sure she worked out her feelings for you when you came out, but she says she feels like it’s always been there.”

When Lena tries to pass the bottle back, Alex doesn’t take it.Her thoughts are running too quickly; darting around her stuffed brain like particularly enthusiastic sausages.It’s a weird sensation and she can’t even think about reaching out and taking that bottle.

She can really use the drink but… she can’t really get passed the whole Lena saying Kara had missed a chance to date her.Alex.

That was a new and horrible lie.

“That’s not funny.”

“I didn’t think so either.Men do so many things that you can blame them for.Using Mon-El as a copout for her real feelings is just sad.”

“Lena… why are you pushing this?”

“If you think about all of the qualities you loved about Maggie and all of the qualities you liked about Kelly, and then you look at Kara and think of everything you love about her… Alex tell me how either of those women compare?You already have the perfect woman who is absolutely in love with you and you’re just letting her go.It’s _maddening._ ”

Alex scrubs a hand over her face.She can’t deal with this right now.She can’t.

“You can’t say that you hate Kara—hate _us_ and then try to get us together.That’s… contradictory.”

“Believe me, I know.If I knew how to stop caring I would.”With her head pressing against the wall, Lena turns so that’s she is looking directly at Alex, her eyes a normal green now.But her eyebrows are up and she’s also doing that chin talking thing again.“She was my best friend.I’ve never felt like anyone cared about me as much as she did.I would have done anything for her.And then she betrayed me and now…”

“She was scared.”Alex whispers, resting a hand on Lena’s wrist.“We all were.I get overprotective with Kara and… we should have told you sooner than we did.But we can’t take that back Lena, all we can do is prove to you that there’s nothing left to hide.You were just in my head; surely you can see that.”

Lena nods shakily, pulling the watch from earlier back out.

“I do.”She says, fiddling with the device before giving a decisive nod.A trans matter portal opens and Lena reaches in and pulls out an odd looking device that kind of resembles a puzzle sphere except with cylinder pieces.“This is Myriad.I just stole it from the Fortress but… I have no intentions of using it anymore.If I do, that would be a line that I wouldn’t be able to come back from.Not with you.”

Gingerly, Alex accepts the globe.“And I suddenly matter now?”

Lena takes a deep breath and nods, eyes on Myriad.“You do.As much as I wish otherwise, you never stopped mattering…I tried to make you stop mattering.”

“You were hurt.”

Lena shakes her head and drops her eyes to the ground.

“Lena, you were hurt.”Alex twists her body, carefully setting Myriad down behind her and clasping Lena’s shoulders.“I expected the fallout.Trust me.I hate that you felt _Myriad_ was your answer but… we hurt you.”Slowly Lena looks up at Her, Alex offering a kind smile and a shrug.“I can’t change what happened, but I can respect where you were coming from.If I were in your place, I’d probably have done the same thing?”

“What?” Lena questions, giving Alex a rueful look.“You would have planned to use your brain and wealth to cure humans of their baser instincts?”

“Totally,” Alex sasses, “although I think I would have had more flair.I would have made it so that no one has to wake up before ten if they didn’t want.And I’d eliminate traffic maybe.Make everyone forget that my favorite highways exist.”

Lena snorts.“High ideals Director Danvers.”

“To be fair, you have a much larger brain.”

Softening even further at those words, Lena sinks further into the wall, looking at Alex with resignation and… regret.

“I wouldn’t say that Alex.”Clearing her throat, Lena presses two fingers to her mouth before starting her next line of thought.“You didn’t treat me any differently.When you found out what I was up to.You… I didn’t get why but you were right.I kept things from all of you as well, things that might have helped all of us but… they were things I was certain would hurt me and so I kept them to myself.And… I was wrong too.”

“Yeah you were.”

“I was trying to have a moment.”Lena says, rolling her eyes.“But also… I wanted to thank you.For showing me that mistakes don’t have to spell the end.My world domination days are behind me.”Her voice softens even further but the tension from before returns, her shoulders hunching up to her ears.“You should know that I was only able to steal Myriad because I tricked Kara into letting me use the quantum computer and set it to see her as an enemy.”

“You did _what?_ ”

Alex is on her feet quicker than Lena has time to continue, already desperately thinking up ways to get to the Fortress without Kryptonian aid.J’onn.J’onn would help her.

“I wanted to punish her.”Lena whispers imploringly, wringing her hands for a second before standing as well. “I thought I’d feel better once I got...Before… I always felt better when my plans went through but she… she didn’t deserve that.”

“Lena…”Alex grits, hands clenching at her side with anger and worry. “What did you do?”

How long had they been talking now?And in that time what had been happening to Kara?Had she had to fight the Fortress? _Again?_

Lena was a good person yes, but her plans were awful and often resulted in one or several people getting hurt.If one of those people was Kara, Alex was going to kick her ass.

“It doesn’t feel so great does it?To think you’ve lost her?”

“You are on such thin ice it’s not even—"

“Calm down,” Lena says, wiping at her eyes and handing Alex the watch.The Supergirl watch.“She’s fine.It’s a low dose, just enough to contain her. She’s safe at the fortress.”

“Safe?”Alex scoffs, feeling rage pump through her veins at her friend.“Lena, she _told_ you how kryptonite feels, how scared she is of it and you used it against her.Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

“Probably destroyed one of the best friendships I’ve ever had.”Lena comments despondently, “it seems to be a recurring theme in my life.”She points at the watch and nods, “I’ve already programmed the watch to take you to her.”Lena smirks, but it does nothing to lift the sadness from her aura. “Let you go rescue the pretty damsel.Get a happy ending.”

Alex is seething.“Are you even going to _apologize_ for exposing her to _Kryptonite_?”

“I want you to know that the only reason I second guessed myself,” Lena says, completely ignoring Alex’s ire, “is because of you.Kara treated me with kid gloves and it just made me so… _angry_.You treated me like a Luthor, you thought like I thought and managed to throw off a lot of my careful planning and for once… that was a good thing.”

“If she’s hurt.”Alex threatens, “I’m going to kick your ass.”

“No, you won’t.”Lena taps the side of her head.“You kind of love me.”

“Fuck you,” Alex presses the transporter and watches as the Fortress comes into view on the other end.Turning back briefly, she points a threatening finger at Lena’s head.“And don’t think I’m going to let you continue to experiment on J’onn’s brother.When I get back, I’m slapping you with a citation.”

“Please don’t screw this up Alex.At least one good thing should come of this.”

~*~

Alex finds Kara in a prison of ice, the blonde crumbled to her knees, whimpering cries escaping the small ball she’s made of herself.It’s not quick work to release her.Before he’d left, Clark had shown Kara how to add Alex’s DNA signature to the Fortress but she’s still not a quantum physicist.

She should have brought Brainy.

Eventually though, she does figure it out and the ice melts back into the floor.Kara doesn’t move though, her head tucked into her knees, arms tightly holding herself together.

Of the two of them, Kara had always been the more sensitive.Whatever had gone down between her and Lena had clearly been bad.

“Hey,” Alex murmurs, sinking to the floor beside Kara and cursing herself for not bringing a coat.She wraps her arm around strong shoulders, mouth pressing against Kara’s hairline in both comfort and a sneaky attempt to keep her face from freezing off.“Hey, it’s ok.I’m here.I’m here.”

~*~

The story from both parties takes a few weeks to completely come out and, when it does, Alex can see why Kara is so heartbroken.

She also thinks it’s rather stupid.

“You know Lena, Kara.She’s your best friend—”

“Was.She’s made it pretty clear that she hates me now.”

Alex huffs and steals the milk, pouring the last dregs into her own cereal and frowning when it’s barely enough to cover the bottom.Stupid aliens.

“The same way she hates her mother?Or Jack Spheer?Or even Lex?”

“Those are all people who hurt her,” Kara says, sparing a rare glance at Alex from over the rim of her bowl.“I promised her I never would.”

“How could you have possibly kept that promise?You both set yourselves up for failure there.”

“How?”

“People hurt people.”Alex states, shoveling a spoonful of dry cereal into her mouth and wincing.“No matter how much they love you.Look at me and mom; hell, look at me and you.No matter how much you love a person, you’re inevitably going to do _something_ that hurts them, however unintentional that may be.It all comes down to who’s worth forgiving after that hurt.”

“Well…” Kara mopes, “Lena doesn’t think that I am.”

“Have you asked her?”

“Yes!I practically begged her to forgive me.”

“You asked her if she _would_ forgive you not if she _could_ forgive you.Big difference.”

Kara’s shoulders, wrapped in a fuzzy blue robe, drop from near her ears and she pouts.“Oh.”

“Besides, I’m pretty sure Lena is thinking _you_ won’t forgive her.”Alex asserts, waving her spoon around.“You know, after the whole plotting behind our backs and locking you up in the fortress and leaving you to waste away to nothing surrounded by ice and kryptonite.”

Frowning into her bowl, Kara fiddles with her food before asking slowly, haltingly, “Have you forgiven her?”

“Mostly.She’s kind of an asshole but she’s got a good heart.She always comes through in the end.”

“And you’re ok with… what she did?”

“The Myriad thing?”Alex shrugs, “yeah.I kind of knew about that for a while but I was hoping she’d catch a clue before it got too far.”Face turning a little stony, Alex grits her teeth and takes a deep breath.“Now what she did to you?The kryptonite?Not so much.That ones gonna take a while.”

“She was in pain.”

“I don’t give a shit.”

“I do.I don’t… know how to—how can I even be in the same room as her?And why would she even want me to be?”

Alex considers that, letting go of her own anger for a moment.“You forgave me you know.For killing Astra.I… never understood how you were able to do that.”

“Because it was _you_.And no matter what, I know you always have my best interests at heart.”

“So did you; with Lena.And even if that jackass didn’t have _your_ best interests at heart, if you can forgive me for murder you can forgive her for petty assault.And maybe also forgive me for major assault.”

“Alex.”Kara says evenly, giving Alex a look.“You can’t beat up everyone who hurts me.”

“Why not?”Kara smiles, shakes her head fondly but doesn’t answer.It kind of makes Alex feel a little reckless.All this talk about forgiveness, maybe she can get one more bad deed in.Help Kara meet her holiday quota on forgiving those closest to her. Forgiving _Alex_.“Lena said some things to me while she was trying to be the next Astra.”

“Oh?”Kara asks, half drained and half amused but eating again.“Like what?”

“Like that… that I take care of you to the exclusion of everything else.Including myself.”

“That is _so_ true!I one thousand percent agree.”

Alex’s mouth ticks into a smile and she lifts her bowl to smother it, drinking in the residual milk at the bottom.“I’m glad to see that you two still have some things in common.”

“Well it _is_ true.”Kara says, rolling her eyes and finishing off her own cereal.“Remember when I got lost on Slaver’s moon and you almost _broke up with Maggie_?”

“That was… I just didn’t want to be distracted!”

“Oh yeah?What about that time you were supposed to blow up Rhea’s ship but didn’t?”

“Did you want me to kill you?!”

“No.”Kara says cheekily, “just proving a point.”

“ _My_ point is that Lena may have helped me… _realize_ some things.About myself and us that sort of… _explains_ I guess, my rather rash behavior when it comes to you.It’s not just a family thing—at least not in terms of “sisters” it’s… a thing that she told me that helped me come to terms with myself.And my feelings.”

“Like?”

“Like that you were in love with me.”Kara freezes, the spoon dropping from her limp hand and eyes blown so wide Alex is afraid they’ll fall out of her head.“Apparently you were acting weird when I came out because you felt like you couldn’t say anything… because of Maggie.”

Kara looks horrified.

“Lena told you that?”

“Yeah...” Alex bites her lip, “since you haven’t denied it already, I’m assuming that she was telling the truth.”

Kara swallows, her hyoid muscles visibly flexing against the thin membrane of skin.“Alex… I can explain.”

Relief floods through Alex, that step had been a daunting one but now that she knows Lena wasn’t completely lying, she can work with what she’s been given.Maybe convince Kara that she was worth a shot after all.

“Before you do… I just want you to know that whatever we talk about next, whatever happens in this conversation, it won’t change the fact that I love you.”

“Ok.” Kara says, eyes filling with tears.“Ok.”

“I mean it Kara; whether we end up in a relationship or not, you will _always_ be the most important person in my life. You’re my home.”

Kara nods jerkily.“You’re mine.”

“Always,” Alex assures, reaching across the bar top and taking Kara’s hand.She gently cups Kara’s cheek with the other hand and gives her fingers a quick squeeze of reassurance.“ _Always_.”

That at least seems to calm Kara down and she sniffles a little before dropping her gaze to her lap.“I wanted to tell you but I just…I didn’t know what to say.I didn’t want you to feel… _pressured_.”

A new argument.One that Alex herself had never considered and it honestly throws her for a loop.She’d had ample time to consider all the reasons why Kara wouldn’t have told her, her feelings.Reasons that had ranged from disgust all the way to her liking Alex but not _liking_ Alex.Before Kara had revealed her sexuality, Alex had also thought she was very firmly straight.She’d never really shown an interest in any women that Alex had seen but now she knows that could have just been nerves.

And she’d thought Kara would have felt like Alex would be the one to reject her.

A thought that Alex had been more than ready to shoot down.

This pressured thing?Brand new.

“Why on earth would I feel pressured?”

“Because!”Kara snaps, pulling an agitated hand through her hair.“You—Alex when it comes to me you have serious blinders.Ever since we were kids you’ve sacrificed more and more of yourself to keep me safe and happy.How much more could I possibly ask of you?”

“A lot.”Alex mumbles shyly, flipping Kara’s hand over and suddenly finding the lines of her palm to be exceedingly interesting.“I mean if you want my professional opinion, I wouldn’t mind you asking me… for that.All I’ve ever wanted was to have a hand in keeping you happy and safe.If you think about it, you’d be the one doing _me_ the favor.”

Kara’s hand closes over hers and tugs enough that half of Alex’s body is now sprawled across the counter.Blue eyes bore into her own, wide and desperate and scared.

“I need you to be really clear about what you mean Alex because I can’t—please don’t just say that because you want me to be happy.I need _you_ to be happy here too.”

“I am happy.”Alex murmurs, softly.“You’ve always been the one who makes me happiest and I know I’m a little slow when it comes to this stuff but… Kara I’m…”She blows out an exasperated breath, shaking her head and trying again.“I’m in love with you.I’ve _been_ in love with you.”

“Romantically?”

Alex nearly groans.Evidently, she hadn’t been clear enough.

“Yes.”

“Because I’m in love with you?”

“No.I knew I loved you way before Lena told me how you felt I just…”Giving a self-conscious shrug, Alex straightens, fingers going to pull at her sleeves.“I didn’t think you could ever… feel that for me.”

“Love?”Kara questions sadly, slowly rounding the counter and taking Alex’s hands in her own.“Alex, you are the most loveable person on this _planet._ There’s _no_ one who could be more deserving of love than you.”

Biting her lip again, Alex nods but can’t quite bring herself to meet Kara’s eyes.“When Kelly…left, she… she said my job was too dangerous.”Alex peeks up, sees that Kara is patiently listening and once again drops her eyes.“And Maggie… she didn’t want kids and… all of the women that I’ve tried to build something with… they’ve all required me to give up pieces of myself.Pieces that… pieces that I really need and you—Kara you’ve never asked me to give up anything.Every dream I’ve ever had you’ve been—I love how you love me.You give me so much more than you’ve ever taken away.”

When she looks up again, she realizes that Kara is crying, fat tears dripping down her cheeks and getting lost in the collar of her shirt.Then she’s being hugged, and those tears are dripping onto _her_ neck.Her instincts kick in and before she knows it, she’s got her arms around Kara’s waist and she’s rocking her gently.

“It’s ok.”Alex murmurs, her throat clogging with her own emotions.“We don’t need to make a big deal out of it or anything.”

Kara snorts, her lips finding Alex’s neck, jaw and cheek in rapid order before she pulls back slightly, hands curving along Alex’s neck and jaw.

“We are such idiots.”She laughs, smile wide and happy.

“Yeah… I’m pretty pissed I’m going to have to tell Lena she was right.She’s incredibly insufferable when she thinks she knows everything.”

“Hmmm, sounds like someone else I know.”

“Except I do know everything.”Alex huffs, fingers digging into Kara’s hips.“You said it yourself: I’m always right.”

Wrinkling her nose, Kara shakes her head.“I misspoke.It was silly of me to admit such a thing.”

Humming, Alex can’t help that her eyes drop to Kara’s mouth.“I know that we haven’t gone on a date yet or anything or even really discussed what this would mean but can I—”

Kara kisses her, cutting Alex off and pulling her closer.It’s not fireworks or a rapidly beating heart, although Alex guesses that those _do_ happen.It’s just that it’s more of a _oh, it’s you_ kind of feeling.Like a lock clicking into place.A perfectly weighted gun.The revving of a custom built engine.

Kara tastes like milk and cinnamon toast crunch, and honestly, her wallowing ensemble is a little ripe, but the moment is still perfect.For years they’ve strived to be what the world wanted them to be.A human for Kara; a perfect daughter for Alex; a superhero who never falters; a federal agent loyal to a fault.

Those identities were unsustainable, exhausting, and oft times, impossible.But neither of them had ever needed to pretend with each other.Kara had always been Kara and Alex had always been Alex and somehow that had been enough.

Falling in love with someone who lets you exist as yourself was the clearly logical thing to do.

“On a scale of one to ten,” Alex murmurs when she’s pulled away, “how good was that kiss?”

Kara looks dazed, eyes unfocused but locked on Alex’s mouth.“What?”

“I just want to know if you’re gonna ghost me like you did with boring girl.”Alex teases, fiddling with the hem of Kara’s shirt before sneaking her hands underneath the fabric.God, she’s soft.“Weigh my odds of survival.”

Indignation flares hot and quick in Kara’s eyes and she opens her mouth with what will no doubt be a fiery retort when she stops, pausing.Alex watches her face as she considers, thinking over what Alex had said and then adopting a smug look.

“It was eh.”Kara says with a shrug, loosening her hands on Alex’s face and lazily draping her arms over Alex’s shoulders instead.“I mean if you wanted to plead your case, I’m willing to allow you to submit more evidence.”

Alex grins, “how much time you got?”

~*~

“I brought you a gift.”Alex says when she enters Lena’s office, a large ensemble of chocolate covered fruits in her hands.“Because you were right.You have five seconds to gloat.”

Lena leans back in her chair, eyeing the bouquet of fruit like it’s poisoned.“Why am I gloating?”

“Doesn’t matter you’ve wasted your five seconds.”

Alex drops the gift on Lena’s desk.“Choose one, I’ll eat it so you know I’m not here to kill you.”

Eyeing her suspiciously, Lena slowly stands up and selects a grape.But rather than giving it to Alex, she instead pops it into her own mouth while watching Alex’s face.

“You have a scanner somewhere don’t you?”Alex concludes, looking around the office.“How many toxins can it pick up?That’s actually a really good idea.”

“It is.”Lena says, her eyebrows raising in surprise.“Race you to make it?”

It’s Alex’s turn to be shocked, short lived though that may be.“You haven’t made it yet?And you ate the grape.Lena.I’m touched.”

“Don’t get too happy,” Lena says, rolling her eyes and resuming her seat.“I’m still mad at all of you.”

“And we still love you.”Alex sasses, taking a strawberry and biting into it.“Kara and I are together by the way.No big deal.”

For a second, Lena’s smile threatens to split her face in half, but she quickly smothers it, turning and attempting to glare her computer screen into submission.

“How nice for you.”

“I know, I’m definitely coupling up.”

“I’d like to point out that I don’t really care for the details here.And I’m very busy.”

“Oh yeah.Modeling a glorified EpiPen for Kryptonite poisoning is totally you hating us.”

Lena’s cheeks go crimson and she abruptly shuts the lid of her laptop.“It is very rude to look at someone’s computer screen.”

“We should pair up more.”Alex comments, stealing another strawberry and backpedaling out of the room.“We come up with really great ideas.”

“ _I_ come up with great ideas you… are subpar.”

“Lena.” Alex prompts, waiting patiently for those cold green eyes to look up at her.“ _Thank you_.”

“It was business.”Lena says firmly, “I needed you distracted.Simple.”

Shifting her weight, Alex glances around the office to gather herself.

“You know,” she starts, “she’d forgive you if you just showed her that you wanted her to.All it would take was a text.Or a call.A visit.”

“No.”

“As someone who has recently conquered a very big fear with the help of a particularly insensitive friend, can I just say that when someone tells you that someone else loves you, they are usually right.”

Lena glares at her.“You are being very irritating.”

“She loves you; you love her.Make it right.”

Lena doesn’t say anything, choosing instead to go back to glaring holes into her desk.

Alex smirks, turning to exit and tossing a wave over her shoulder.“Bye Lena.Don’t forget Thanksgiving dinner starts at 6.”

“I don’t know you.”

“My mom will be very hurt if you don’t show.”

“… I can only make it for 6:30.”

“I’ll bring the wine! Also,” she pauses in the doorway, looking over her shoulder at Lena who has just bit into a strawberry.“just so you know, the chocolates laced with laxatives.Have a great lunch.”

**Author's Note:**

> Alex had to get her revenge somehow and no way was she going to be able to beat up Lena. Not with all that brain power. Hence a good old fashioned laxative.
> 
> I'm kind of split between Kara and Lena; on the one hand I am pro-Kara always and I totally get why she didn't tell Lena... at first. I mean, after a while that just got stupid. So Lena has a right to be hurt and angry but absolutely no right to bring back Myriad, kidnap Malefic, OR use KRYPTONITE on my darling puppy! But I still like her and I still have hope for her. The Green K thing is pretty damning but hopefully they come up with something believable to repair what they have done. Looking at you SG writers.
> 
> We'll see.
> 
> Also, Kara has everything Alex wants and needs and they're perfect together. No offense to Kelly but when Alex said she was her home, after years of that being Kara and Alex's thing, slight anger, not gonna lie. But I've got nothing against Kelly, I like her way more than James at least but for my story to work, her and Alex could not make up so that scene was dropped.
> 
> And lastly, Eliza brings everyone together. I mean come on, what was Lena gonna say? No?


End file.
